Personal Boundaries-Setting and Maintaining Them

Up until a few years ago I like most people today did not understand the vital role of setting and maintaining personal boundaries. I was of the notion that everyone had common sense and knew what was and wasn’t acceptable and it was not until after I had several bad experiences that I realized that not everyone was intuitive and I needed to set some basic guidelines for the people in my life and for the people that would potentially be a part of my life. I found these boundaries helped the people around me to gain a basic understanding of my likes and dislikes and my relationships became healthier and more lasting.

When setting boundaries you must understand that being a ‘yes man’ never works. You need to be able to say what you mean and mean what you say. You can’t set good boundaries if you are unsure about where you stand so you must first identify your limit. Identify what you can tolerate and accept, what makes you feel stressed or uncomfortable. Those feeling will help you determine what your threshold is.

Whenever you are sharing space with other people if you feel uncomfortable try to identify what it is about that group or a particle person that is making you feel uneasy. Feeling this discomfort is a signal that someone may be crossing a boundary. And if you allow this boundary to be breached continually it may lead to resentment.

Another key part of setting boundaries and maintaining them is being direct. You will find that people from a same group or with similar personalities and beliefs may not need to be as direct as others. If you however find yourself in a group where you are exactly opposite you must make your beliefs and expectations clear that way people don’t just act out of not knowing that those actions will be uncomfortable for you. Give yourself the permission to feel how you feel without guilt. Often times fear for the response of other people hinder us from speaking up. Many people believe that being a good friend; daughter, son or spouse means they should be able to cope with certain situations regardless of how they make them feel. You must be self-aware at all times, aware of other people’s actions and your own actions as well. Remember that some actions invite people to overstep so be mindful you aren’t sending incorrect signals. In an effort to not feel drained in your relationships you must ask yourself if your efforts are being reciprocated. Because if you continually give without receiving you will eventually feel depleted and resentment will follow shortly after.

Make self-care a priority and do not force yourself to stay in situations that make you feel unhappy. One important part of self-care is staying in tune with your feelings and honoring them. When you put yourself first you gain peace of mind and that will transcend to your everyday life and relationships. In a respectful way let the people around you know what is affecting you negatively and that you can work together to fix it. Be smart with your boundaries. Like any new skill it will take practice to assertively communicate your boundaries with others. Understand that simply setting your boundaries will not be enough you must also follow through and accept that the people who would rather walk away than respect your boundaries are people you don’t need in your life because they don’t value you.

Boundaries are a sign of self-respect they aren’t only a building block for healthy relationships so give yourself the permission to set boundaries and maintain them.

#boundaries #selfcare